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There is huge and sometimes comical misunderstanding on this increasing social habit.
In large and sophisticated cities like Shenzhen, there are here and there young professional couples who do live together
without being married. These are still serious relationships and the pair may buy an apartment together.
In rural areas, men from Western democracies arrive to marry young Chinese girls, and are asked to live with the family
of their intended bride.
The men sometimes completely misinterpret this domestic friendliness as an invitation to sample the goods before the purchase
is completed. Not really a purchase, I don't mean to insult, yet a sort of deal.
I know from my students of a heavy-drinking Aussie who was locked in the farmhouse after eleven at night, as the old parents
had had enough of his downtown carousing!
Marrying into Chinese culture involves a lot more thought than arriving with a wedding ring and a bit of spare cash.
There certainly be expectations of some cash settlement to the parents of the bride if they are poor, rural, uneducated,
or lower-middle class people.
At higher social levels, the bridal gifts may be only to the bride herself, a cash settlement to prepare her trousseau,
her immigration and travel plans, and even her ESL lessons.
The Aussie may have tried to hug and kiss his girl before the wedding, and living common-law with a Chinese family, complete
with mom and dad, is absolutely not the bohemian situation it first appears to be.
I myself warned my Chinese students this habit of inviting potential husbands to live with naive and sheltered girls
could cause incendiary situations!
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